Aerobicidal
Shut that door.
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Previously on Celebrity Worst Cooks:
There was more flaming than the crowd at Cher’s last farewell tour. Taryn Manning made viewers wonder whether she accidentally wound up here when she was supposed to be in Celebrity Rehab. Tonya Harding enraged FSU. Anne Burrell still has some sort of bleached Gumby There’s Something About Mary hair concept.
Today:
Tonya: “I don’t want to eat none of that.” Nice to know she still has the same English language skills she honed at Tuna Can Arena.
Jonathan Lipnicki inserting multiple pieces of geoduck into his mouth is something that would have resulted in several FBI investigations if googled circa Jerry Maguire.
Anne: “I hope that your artistic abilities are better than your cooking abilities.”
Tonya: “No shit, Sherlock. I performed the **** out of ‘People Are Still Having Sex’ after chain smoking Newports and eating five slices of Dominos pizza that was cut with the same Riedell skate blades Karen Chen tried to blame for all her problems. Not that I know who Karen Chen is.”
Kym: “I don’t know what’s more boring, watching golf or watching bread toast.”
Tonya: “They’re both a whole ****ing lot more interesting than watching Nancy Kerrigan’s mom pretending to be blind, and if she actually had been she would have enjoyed her daughter’s skating a lot more.”
Alec Mapa is like the adult version of a love child resulting from Dave Lease and Alisson Krystle Perticheto procreating. I realize that would violate all known laws of geometry, theology, and logic; but so does Anne’s hair and Morgan Fairchild’s face.
Tonya is flaming her chicken. I think Johnny Weir described himself as a “flaming chicken” for the first several years he was on Grindr (and I will save all other jokes involved the word “flaming” for next week).
Morgan is having trouble hacking the (lobster) claw. I think she should consult Tonya for tips on hacking, or hiring someone to do hacking, or denying that she ever knew anything about hacking despite a contingent of approximately seven FSU posters arguing that she should have been convicted of attempted manslaughter and executed or at least given many years of hard time in the slammer.
Alec says his lobster looks like “a hot saucy mess.” I think Hot Saucy Mess was Johnny Weir’s second Grinder user name after Flaming Chicken.
Tonya's chicken dinner gets reviewed: "I'm seeing knife cuts that look very uniform."
Tonya: "Well, we considered a knifing instead of the whack, but wanted something a little less messy. Unlike my relationship with my mother."
Anne to Jim: "Your chicken was perfectly juicy."
I think that Perfectly Juicy is Johnny Weir's current Grindr user name.
Watching the "cooks" up for elimination struggling to slice zucchini, I'm hoping Averbukh is also tuning in so we will create a program about attempts to undermine phallocentrism and how they are often co-opted by misogynistic neoliberalism ideology. But mainly, I am just glad that Tonya's still in this game so I can laugh at her FSU arch-detractors.
There was more flaming than the crowd at Cher’s last farewell tour. Taryn Manning made viewers wonder whether she accidentally wound up here when she was supposed to be in Celebrity Rehab. Tonya Harding enraged FSU. Anne Burrell still has some sort of bleached Gumby There’s Something About Mary hair concept.
Today:
Tonya: “I don’t want to eat none of that.” Nice to know she still has the same English language skills she honed at Tuna Can Arena.
Jonathan Lipnicki inserting multiple pieces of geoduck into his mouth is something that would have resulted in several FBI investigations if googled circa Jerry Maguire.
Anne: “I hope that your artistic abilities are better than your cooking abilities.”
Tonya: “No shit, Sherlock. I performed the **** out of ‘People Are Still Having Sex’ after chain smoking Newports and eating five slices of Dominos pizza that was cut with the same Riedell skate blades Karen Chen tried to blame for all her problems. Not that I know who Karen Chen is.”
Kym: “I don’t know what’s more boring, watching golf or watching bread toast.”
Tonya: “They’re both a whole ****ing lot more interesting than watching Nancy Kerrigan’s mom pretending to be blind, and if she actually had been she would have enjoyed her daughter’s skating a lot more.”
Alec Mapa is like the adult version of a love child resulting from Dave Lease and Alisson Krystle Perticheto procreating. I realize that would violate all known laws of geometry, theology, and logic; but so does Anne’s hair and Morgan Fairchild’s face.
Tonya is flaming her chicken. I think Johnny Weir described himself as a “flaming chicken” for the first several years he was on Grindr (and I will save all other jokes involved the word “flaming” for next week).
Morgan is having trouble hacking the (lobster) claw. I think she should consult Tonya for tips on hacking, or hiring someone to do hacking, or denying that she ever knew anything about hacking despite a contingent of approximately seven FSU posters arguing that she should have been convicted of attempted manslaughter and executed or at least given many years of hard time in the slammer.
Alec says his lobster looks like “a hot saucy mess.” I think Hot Saucy Mess was Johnny Weir’s second Grinder user name after Flaming Chicken.
Tonya's chicken dinner gets reviewed: "I'm seeing knife cuts that look very uniform."
Tonya: "Well, we considered a knifing instead of the whack, but wanted something a little less messy. Unlike my relationship with my mother."
Anne to Jim: "Your chicken was perfectly juicy."
I think that Perfectly Juicy is Johnny Weir's current Grindr user name.
Watching the "cooks" up for elimination struggling to slice zucchini, I'm hoping Averbukh is also tuning in so we will create a program about attempts to undermine phallocentrism and how they are often co-opted by misogynistic neoliberalism ideology. But mainly, I am just glad that Tonya's still in this game so I can laugh at her FSU arch-detractors.
