The Official "So, a ______ goes into a bar...." Joke Thread

[Jot the Dot Dot]

Time for silliness.

So, a dyslexic walks into a bra.......

 

[DimaToe]

So,a ballerina walks into a barre...

 

[Simone411]

So three strings walk into a bar. The first string tells the bartender that he wants a Gin and Seven-Up. The bartender tells the first string that he can't have it because he's a string and that the other two strings can't have a drink, either.

All three strings get into their car, ride around and find another bar. The second string goes up to the bartender and tells him he wants Crown and Coke. The bartender tells the second string that he can't have a drink because he's a string and the other two strings can't have a drink, either.

All three strings are back in the car when they spot another bar. Before they go in, the third string begins to weave himself in and out. Then all three strings walk into the bar. The third string goes up to the bartender and tells him that he wants a Michelob Ultra. The bartender tells the third string that he can't have the beer because he's a string. The third string tells the bartender that he's not a string. The bartender looks at the string and says "Oh, you're not a string"? The third string then tells the bartender "No, I'm a frayed knot!"

 

[TheGirlCanSkate]

A lion walks into a bar and asks the bartender, Are you hiring?

The bartender says, No...have you tried the circus?

The lion replied, Why would the circus be hiring bartenders?

 

[Janbo]

https://joke4fun.com/image/a-guy-walks-into-a-bar-16707

 

[Fridge_Break]

My favorite has always been:

Three friends walked into a bar. None of them saw it.

 

[allezfred]

A libertarian walk into a bar and orders a drink. The alcohol is tainted because no public health. 911 service was discontinued. He dies.

 

[Buzz]

One moment in the new Captain Marvel trailer has become a meme and some of them are hilarious.
https://www.businessinsider.com/captain-marvel-trailer-has-become-hilarious-old-lady-meme-2018-9

 

[Jot the Dot Dot]

So, a moose walks into a bar, and the bartender says:"Hey, why the long face?"

 

[Moto Guzzi]

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

 

[skatingguy]

So, a moose walks into a bar, and the bartender says:"Hey, why the long face?"

So a horse walks in to a bar . . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVJZGPlkQ08

 

[ilovepaydays]

What do you call a cheese that doesn’t belong to you?

Nacho cheese!

 

[TheGirlCanSkate]

So a horse walks in to a bar . . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVJZGPlkQ08

That's like having a horse loose in a hospital!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6CwhvzqLYA

 

[Jot the Dot Dot]

Rene Descartes walks into a bar, and proceeds to order many drinks. The bartender says to him a while later, seeing that he is completely inebriated, "I think you've had enough". Descartes slurs, "I think not!", then he disappears.

 

[taf2002]

So three strings walk into a bar. The first string tells the bartender that he wants a Gin and Seven-Up. The bartender tells the first string that he can't have it because he's a string and that the other two strings can't have a drink, either.

All three strings get into their car, ride around and find another bar. The second string goes up to the bartender and tells him he wants Crown and Coke. The bartender tells the second string that he can't have a drink because he's a string and the other two strings can't have a drink, either.

All three strings are back in the car when they spot another bar. Before they go in, the third string begins to weave himself in and out. Then all three strings walk into the bar. The third string goes up to the bartender and tells him that he wants a Michelob Ultra. The bartender tells the third string that he can't have the beer because he's a string. The third string tells the bartender that he's not a string. The bartender looks at the string and says "Oh, you're not a string"? The third string then tells the bartender "No, I'm a frayed knot!"

Groan....

 

[Rob]

So, a moose walks into a bar, and the bartender says:"Hey, why the long face?"

This is my favorite....

 

[Susan1]

What do you call a cheese that doesn’t belong to you?

Nacho cheese!

That reminded me of the commercial (and I can't remember what they are selling, as usual) I keep seeing - what does cheese say when you take its picture - "people". Makes me smile every time.

 

[Simone411]

For those of us old enough to remember the wonderful and humorous Foster Brooks.

Foster Brooks Drunk in a Bar

 

[Jot the Dot Dot]

A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "What'll you have?"
"Pop!" goes the weasel.

 

[PeterG]

A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "What'll you have?"
"Pop!" goes the weasel.

I am SO stealing this one!

 

[Jot the Dot Dot]

A Monk, a Priest and a Rabbit go into a bar.
The bartender says to the rabbit "What can I get for you, little feller?"
The rabbit replies "I dunno, I'm just here because of Autocorrect".

 

[Susan1]

Can we add Dad Jokes without starting a new thread? Or change the title since we are not putting funny stuff in a covid thread anymore?

72 Jokes That Are Almost Too Stupid To Actually Be Funny

Annoyingly hilarious, actually.View Entire Post ›

www.yahoo.com

There are enough of them you don't have to click on.

This is my favorite -
Why does a chicken coop always have two doors?
Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!

 

[Jot the Dot Dot]

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars meet in a bar, but they didn't planet that way.

 

[Jot the Dot Dot]

A Dung Beetle goes into a bar, and asks the bartender "Excuse me, is this stool taken?"

 

[Simone411]

So, my BFF and her husband was telling me about what happened when they went to Louisiana Downs in Bossier City this past summer. If I remember correctly, it was around July.

They started out betting on the horses, had a few drinks at the bar, and then went into Harrah's afterwards. They were telling me that they had a little buzz going when they left.

Then my BFF said that they were taking the I-49 exit when they saw a hitchhiker on the side of the highway. She said that they ordinarily wouldn't do such a thing and she felt like it was probably because of the buzz they both had.

They gave the hitchhiker a ride. I nearly freaked out when she told me that! She then told me that they both noticed that the hitchhiker had a briefcase when he got in the back seat of their car. She said that the hitchhiker was also acting very suspicious, too. She said her husband finally asked the hitchhiker what was in the briefcase.

The hitchhiker hesitated at first, and then told her husband "It's none of your business." Her husband then told the hitchhiker that if he didn't tell him what was in the briefcase, he would have to pull over and get out of the car. The hitchhiker told him to pull over because he wasn't about to tell him what was in the briefcase.

They pulled over to let the hitchhiker get out. My BFF said after they got home that they noticed the hitchhiker had left the briefcase in the car. That's all she said and was going to leave it at that. So, I finally asked her what was in the briefcase. She then said, "It's none of your business."

 

[Simone411]

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”

 

[Jot the Dot Dot]

A bear goes into a bar and says "Gimme a vodka and.............a coke"

The bartender asks "Why the big pause?"

The bear replies "I'm not sure, I was born with them"

 

[PRlady]

A Rabbi walks into a bar. He has a long, long grey beard, black coat, he's wearing tzitzis, the whole package. And he has a frog on his shoulder.

The bartender asks, "Where did you get that?!"

The frog answers, "Brooklyn, there are lots of them there."

 

[Jot the Dot Dot]

Not a bar, but still in the same spirit:

A man walks into a bar, and asks the librarian: "Do you have any books on Pavlov's Dog or Shcrodinger's Cat?"

The librarian responds: "Well, it does ring a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not".

 

[ilovepaydays]

What did the nudists wear when they went to the party?

Their birthday suits!